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18-Dec-2019 21:44

I’ll never come to terms with it because I still hope that maybe one day I’ll find that special someone, but mum unless God performs a miracle then I’ll be alone.

I’ve spent the last however many years sitting through endless jokes and derogatory comments about homosexuals which have just about torn my heart out. " comments, I’ve even tried having boy friends, which I can honestly say meant nothing to me, and I’m not going to do this anymore.

There is so much that I’ll miss and I can’t describe how that feels, every time I think about it.

I feel as though someone’s ripping my heart out through my chest.

Every day gets harder and harder as I watch my friends getting into long- term loving relationships.

The yearning to be able to share my life and be close to someone is unbearable and I’m really struggling to fight the natural desires of my heart in order to remain faithful to my beliefs—a fight that I’m sure to lose if I continue living this alone.

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I’ve argued with God since I was 17 and I’m tired of fighting him, I’m tired of crying myself to sleep each night, asking Why me? Mum, ever since I was 14 and found the word that described me I’ve prayed and prayed for God to change me, but he hasn’t so I’m finally having to accept myself for who I am so that I can get on with my life. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get up the courage to tell you.A love so strong, but I’ve been afraid of putting it to the test all these years.